American in Israel: Living Abroad

February 23, 2013

A reflection on a change of mindset. The mind is a powerful thing and can make all the difference. (edited life update I emailed to a friend recently):

After a roller coaster of a winter, I am cruising into spring with my head held high.

Months ago, I arrived in Israel with the mindset to LIVE ISRAEL. Thinking back to Year Course, I arrived this time determined to live my Fulbright year much UNlike Year Course: not with Americans, and definitely not in English. I wanted to live in ISRAEL, with the whole shabang.

I dove in and immersed myself in the culture, the language and the people. For the first few months, my core group of friends were primarily Israelis, I went to Hebrew Class twice a week for 3 hours each, and I tried very hard to let the culture seep into my skin - pushing and honking and talking back, as well as making tea and hosting almost every weekend. At all of this I succeeded - I speak Hebrew well enough now, I love my friends and I know more about Israeli culture than I thought I would ever know. 

But this all came with a cost. For many weeks and even months I had the constant feeling of being an outsider. I constantly struggled with following Hebrew conversations. I had no comfort blanket of Americans to go home to and talk about the nonsense and ballagan that is Israel. I had no shoulder to cry on when dealing with language barriers and no friend who truly understood what it meant to live in a country with no family members, and no one to whom I would say "I love you."

So it got to the point where I knew I needed a safety net. One night, I called up the 2 other American girls at my university and as we walked along the cliff, I immediately felt a calming come over my body. I’ve since learned to be OK with speaking English and being friends with non-Israelis in Israel. I now know that a balance is so necessary, and although I'm proud of myself for the determination I had when I arrived here, I would never ever go to a new country with that mindset again. It's taxing emotionally and physically, and a support system of familiarity is necessary for me. 

Advice to anyone going abroad - it's not cheating to have a little bit of home with you while you are away, and I would even say it's a strategic thing to do :)